


Feelings

by silvertrails



Series: Our Love [4]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 21:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvertrails/pseuds/silvertrails
Summary: Findekáno realizes why he is not interested in elf-maidens.





	Feelings

**Feelings  
** By CC  
September, 2006 

This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J.R.R. Tolkien. No profit is made and no harm is intended. 

The story is set in Tirion, YT 1281. Maedhros is fifty years old, and Fingon is almost forty years old. This should be read after “About love”. 

50 passages prompt 10: You seem to know a lot. More than is good for you, I guess. 

Thanks to Alex for beta reading this story! (smile)

* * *

Findekáno hurried down the path that led to Maedhros’s house. He had tarried at home more than necessary, trying to finish a couple of tasks he had forgotten to take care of. The first had been a boring report about healing herbs, which he had written hastily. He hated anything that had to do with herbs, but his teacher insisted he learned everything about them. Cleaning his room had been the second one, and he had tried but his desk had been such a mess that he would still be in his room if he had stayed to put some order in it. 

_Mother will surely have something to say when I’m back..._

It would be better not to think about that. He was going to see Maitimo, and he would spend the rest of the day with his cousin. They would go to Finwë’s stables and practice for the horse races. Hopefully Maitimo had finished making that spinner. Sometimes Findekáno wondered if Fëanáro gave Maitimo so much work to keep them from spending time together. He was aware that his uncle accepted his presence grudgingly, but then that was Fëanáro’s way with everything that was not under his control. Yet things might have changed after the argument... 

Findekáno had not meant to pry, but it had been impossible not to hear the raised voices coming from his uncle’s forge. It had happened a few days ago, and his father had been in a foul mood since then. Findekáno and Maitimo had just come from the town’s horse racetrack after signing up for the next race when they had heard their sires arguing inside the forge. Findekáno had caught few words, but it had been the frustration and barely concealed pain in his father’s voice that had shaken him. He would have barged into the forge if Maitimo had not stopped him. 

His cousin had insisted on walking him back to his house, reminding him that their sires always argued, and that it had never come to worse. Findekáno had allowed himself to be convinced, but he had not been calm until his father had come back to the house. When his sire had told him that it would be better not to visit Maitimo for a few days, Findekáno had simply nodded. Telling his father that he had heard him argue with Fëanáro wouldn’t have been wise. 

What would happen if his father and Fëanáro never talked to each other again? Would Fëanáro forbid him to visit Maitimo? Would his father do it? Findekáno didn’t want to think about it. He loved Makalaurë and Tyelkormo, but his feelings for Maitimo were stronger. He would not be able to withstand the separation. 

When Alkanë had told him that she liked Maitimo, Findekáno had felt a deep alarm ringing inside him. He had not listened to Alkanë’s next words about Aurelissë, his mind focused on the absolute necessity to keep her away from his cousin. He was not looking forward to Maitimo bonding with an elf-maiden. The mere thought made him feel ill. He didn’t want to share Maitimo with anyone. Why had all elves to mate? Wasn’t it possible to stay alone? 

Findekáno was still trying to sort out his confused thoughts when he saw Makalaurë and Tyelkormo coming down the road. They were about to take the turn that led to the woods, but they stopped and waited for him to catch up with them. 

“Hey Finno!” Tyelkormo looked more than happy. “We are going to hunt rabbits! Do you want to come with us?” 

Findekáno smiled at Makalaurë’s suffering sigh. Tyelkormo could be a handful, but he was growing and would soon stop following his brother around. Sometimes Findekáno wondered why his parents had not borne another child. Having a small brother would be nice. 

“He is going to visit Maitimo,” Makalaurë said. “You are going to Grandpa’s stables together, are you not?” 

“Yes, we have to practice for the horse races. I don’t think I will ever be able to beat Maitimo, but I hope to become as good as he is.” 

“You would never win over Maitimo,” Tyelkormo said, his eyes dancing with mischief. 

“Tyelkormo!” Makalaurë exclaimed, looking mortified. “Finno, you know that...” 

Findekáno waved away his cousin’s concern. “I know I cannot beat Maitimo. He is older than me, and faster, and...” 

“And you like him too much to try to beat him at the races,” Tyelkormo said, grinning. 

Findekáno blinked. “Well, yes, I like him, but that does not mean...” 

“And Maitimo also...” 

“Enough!” Makalaurë exclaimed, grabbing Tyelkormo’s hand. “Don’t pay attention to him, Finno. Eflings!” 

“I am not an elfling!” 

“Yes, you are. Now come with me!” 

“But, Káno, you said that...” 

If Makalaurë said something else, Findekáno did not hear it. He watched his cousins take the turn to the woods, Tyelkormo still protesting loudly. Was his little cousin right? Would Findekáno let Maitimo win if he ever became good enough to beat his cousin in the races? 

_That will never happen. Maitimo is too good a horseman._

Feeling somewhat calmer at this thought, Findekáno resumed his way. Soon he was standing in front of the forge. He wondered if Maitimo was still there. If his cousin had not yet finished his task, Findekáno would stay with him. 

“Maitimo?” he called softly. His cousin was not there, but a wind spinner was hanging over his worktable. It was a beautiful and delicate thing, and it was actually moving. Findekano was about to rush to the house and look for his cousin when his uncle’s voice stopped him. 

“Why are you here?” 

Other elves would have been scared of Fëanáro’s harsh manner, but Findekano knew it was his way. He had a healthy respect for Fëanáro, but he could not bring himself to fear him. 

“Greetings, Uncle Curufinwë. I am waiting for Maitimo. We are going to practice for the horse races.” 

“Nelyo told you so?” 

Findekáno nodded. 

“Hmmm... I see he finished his work.” 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” 

Fëanáro arched an eyebrow. “It is well done, and moves with the barest breeze. It is a good work, and yes, it could be said it’s beautiful.” 

“Will you tell that to Maitimo?” 

There was a flash of anger in his uncle’s eyes, but Findekáno was used to it. He usually irritated his uncle; he even irritated his father sometimes. Only Maitimo never lost patience with him. 

“Are you trying to tell me how to deal with my son?” 

“No, I just think that Maitimo would like to hear that. Your approval is important to him.” 

“This is none of your business. Nolo should teach you better manners.” 

“My father has taught me well,” Findekáno said proudly. “Why are you always so harsh with me, Uncle? Is it because you and Papa are not close anymore?” 

“Who told you that?” 

The anger in Fëanáro’s eyes shook Findekano, but he stood his ground. “Nobody, I just know. Father used to come here almost every day and now he goes to uncle Arafinwë’s house.” 

“Maybe your father prefers to be with him. They are brothers after all.” 

“I don’t think so. I heard them speak and Papa was saying that he missed you. And I know you two argued a few days ago.” 

“You seem to know a lot. More than is good for you.” 

“Is it bad for anyone to know things?” 

Fëanáro looked at him in a strange way, and then shook his head slowly. “It is not good to listen to your elders’ conversations. Were you spying on us?” 

“No. I was coming with Maitimo from the horse racetrack and we heard you arguing. We left shortly after that.” 

“You two spend more time than necessary in that racetrack,” Fëanáro snapped, “but then whatever you do is Nolo’s business. I will take care of Maitimo. We are leaving the city soon, and I don’t care when that race is going to be held. This nonsense will stop now!” 

Findekáno felt the blood drain from his face. “W-What do you mean?” 

“That I will not allow Maitimo to waste more time... Damn it! What is wrong with you now?” 

“A-Are you going to f-forbid Maitimo... Are you b-banning me from your house?” 

“Don’t be silly!” Fëanáro said harshly. He reached for Findekáno’s arm and made him sit. “I have said nothing of the sort. Have you eaten anything today?” 

“No... Yes, I had an apple...” 

“You will come into the house and eat something before going anywhere,” Fëanáro said slowly. “I *will* talk to your father about this if you don’t do as I say. Am I clear enough?” 

“Yes, Uncle Curufinwë.” 

Findekáno was about to stand up and do as his uncle said, but Maitimo entered the forge in that moment. “Father, have you seen... Finno...? What is wrong?” 

Findekáno stood. “Nothing...” he trailed off when he saw his uncle’s warning glare. 

“Bring him inside the house and make sure he eats something. Tell your mother I will stay at the linguistic guild until late.” 

“Yes, Papa.” 

Once Fëanáro left, Maedhros turned back to him, but before his cousin could say a word Findekáno threw his arms around him. He was relieved when Maitimo hugged him back and murmured familiar soothing words. Findekáno could not understand why he felt like this, but the fear was too real. He wondered if his uncle had noticed. Maitimo himself had to be wondering what was wrong with him. Findekáno eased his hold on his cousin, suddenly afraid of rejection. 

“Whatever is wrong, we are going to fix it, Finno,” Maitimo said quietly. “Trust me. Everything will be all right. What did father tell you to scare you like this?” 

Findekáno looked down. “Nothing. I just thought... I believed he was going to forbid me to come here again.” 

Maitimo gently reached to cup Findekáno’s chin with his hand, making him look up. “Why would Father do something like that? Did he say something...?” 

“No... It matters not... I won’t happen...” 

“Of course it won’t happen,” Maitimo said softly. Findekáno could not take his eyes from his cousin. It was as if the world had suddenly reduced to those eyes, and the arms holding him. Only then did Findekáno understand why some elves never married. He would be one of them. 

“Maitimo...” 

Maitimo smiled and kissed Findekáno’s forehead, gathering him close. The last traces of fear vanished, and Findekáno rested his head against his cousin’s chest. Was this why he had never been interested in elf-girls? Was Maitimo the same? Findekáno didn’t know, but he trusted his cousin to explain things to him.


End file.
